Understanding Domestic Violence And Domestic Abuse
Domestic violence and domestic abuse has rightfully received increasing attention in recent years. Domestic violence is a problem that’s a very dark secret in our society, and it’s long been an unspoken reality since perhaps the beginning of time. It is painfully recognizable today in every community regardless of social status, and it most likely exists even on the street where you live.
In most recent years, the definition of domestic violence has been specifically outlined by our government as follows: “A pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner”.
Domestic Violence and domestic abuse has very many faces as it expresses itself within the core of our family structure. It was for a long time commonly believed to be only a physical violence upon another family member, but it is currently recognized as a much larger societal problem that also includes psychological abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and even economic abuse.
Recognizing An Abusive Personality
Contrary to what the general public may believe, domestic violence is never a result of the abuser’s inability to control their behavior. Abusive behavior and domestic violence are always a deliberate action by the abuser to control. There are a variety of recognized strategies used to manipulate in an abusive relationship, and they are most commonly expressed in one or more of these categories:
- DOMINANCE – An abusive person has to feel like they are completely in charge of a relationship. They will want to make every decision, tell the other person what to do and always demand obedience.
- HUMILIATING BEHAVIOR – The abuser will intentionally make their partner feel bad about themselves or even defective in some way. Common strategies will include insults, shaming the other person, personal attacks, name calling and other abusive tactics purposely designed to lower self-esteem.
- ISOLATION – An abusive man or woman will intentionally cut off their spouse from others in order to elevate dependence upon them. The abuser might keep a person from visiting a family member or neighbors, or even prevent them from going to social functions or hold a job. This typically elevates into the abused person asking permission to do certain things or see other people.
- THREATS – Abusers will oftentimes make repeated threats in order to prevent their spouse from leaving them. This may include physical threats to family members, and sometimes an abuser may actually threaten to harm themselves in an attempt to gain and keep control of the relationship.
- INTIMIDATING BEHAVIORS – An abusive person will oftentimes use intimidation schemes that are aimed at scaring a person into submission. Common tactics for this type of domestic violence could be breaking valued objects, destroying property, putting weapons on display or being abusive to animals. The intention with these negative behaviors is to send a very clear signal that any lack of obedience will be met with violence.
- DENIAL AND BLAMING – Abusive people have mastered the art of making excuses. They oftentimes excuse their violent or inexcusable behavior on a bad parent or being deprived as a child. In addition, an abusive person will minimize their abusive actions or even deny that they ever happened. Abusers will instinctively shift the blame or responsibility back onto their spouse in an unhealthy pattern of denial or irresponsibility.
The harsh reality is that domestic violence and domestic abuse always bring pain, grief, embarrassment, shame and even criminal charges into a home. In most cases negative consequences fall on both the perpetrator and victim of domestic abuse. In addition, it is commonly understood that the cycles of domestic abuse will only continue unless there is an intervention of some kind to break the repetitive cycle of this negative behavior. Better said, interventions into the domestic violence pattern have proven to be the most essential element in stopping the pain and the suffering experienced by all parties involved.
Please understand and recognize that domestic violence and domestic abuse is a life-long struggle that will never go away on its own. Call today and initiate the intervention that will help everyone you love affected by domestic violence. A caring and compassionate receptionist is awaiting your call at (248) 244-8644. If you or a loved one is experiencing domestic violence or domestic abuse please remember “You Need Not Walk Alone”. There is professional help that works when using the confidential therapists at Perspectives Of Troy Counseling Centers.