Category Archives: Self Esteem

Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem after an Abusive Relationship


Congratulations, you’ve made it out of an abusive relationship. You’ve overcome the biggest obstacle, and now you can enjoy a better quality of life. Part of this next chapter is rebuilding your self-esteem, because chances are you’re not feeling too confident right now. No worries though. The counselors and therapists at Perspectives Counseling Centers are here to help.

Check out this guide to boost your confidence after an abusive relationship.

Find a Therapist near You

Working with a therapist can significantly speed up your progress. We’re not just saying that because we have counseling centers in Michigan. Therapists have years of specialized training to help people get through major life transitions. You’re going through one right now. A therapist can show you confidence boosting strategies that are tailored to your personality and lifestyle.

Your therapist can also help you see past experiences in a new light. Years of belittling and brainwashing may have altered your view of yourself and life as a whole. You can retrain your mind to recognize your positive features and eliminate negative thoughts. Find a trusted therapist near you with experience in self-esteem building, and you’ll be on the fast-track to confidence.

Discover Your Likes and Passions

You may have lost sight of your personal passions in the relationship. Use this fresh start as a chance to revisit those passions and discover new ones. Go to a concert, take a dance class, learn a foreign language, or travel to a place you’ve never been. Find what makes you happy, and enjoy the positivity that follows.

Revamp an Element of Your Appearance

Sometimes all it takes is a haircut or a new outfit to make you feel like a new person. This doesn’t mean you need to change. You’re beautiful just the way you are. However, having a slightly revamped appearance will make you feel like a snake shedding its skin. Treat yourself to a change that’s going to make you feel happy, attractive and ready to take on the world.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Supportive people naturally boost your confidence. These are the ones that will tell you how great you look and will congratulate you on every accomplishment. Think about the people who make your life the best – the ones that make you happy and brighten up your day. Keep those individuals close, and eliminate negative energy from your life.

Compliment Yourself Every Day

Look in the mirror and tell yourself how great you look. Find a specific feature to compliment yourself on, whether it be your hair, your smile, your determinedness, your charisma, or anything else along those lines. Write those positive messages on a sticky note and put them somewhere you’ll see throughout the day. This may seem forced at first, but you’ll start to believe yourself after a while.

Celebrate Your Strengths

You don’t need a special occasion to celebrate. You do amazing things every day, and those are worth recognizing. Take a moment to acknowledge all of the strengths you have, even if they may not seem important to someone else. They’re important to you, and that’s all that matters.

To get in touch with a therapist near you, contact Perspectives Counseling Centers at (248) 244-8644.

How To Feel More Valued At Work: Self-Esteem Counseling MI

self esteem

Do you feel undervalued and underappreciated at work? This can harm your self-esteem. You may not be able to control the way your boss treats you or the type of work you do, but you can change your perception of your environment. Here are some tips to help you feel more valued at work.

Start Each Day With A Positive Attitude

We get it – you don’t like your job, your colleagues, your boss, or some element of your work. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a positive attitude. Approaching each day with a smile and hope will naturally make you feel better throughout the day. Obstacles that seem overwhelming when you’re gloomy will seem easy-to-conquer with a positive mindset.

Identify The Purpose Of Your Work

Oftentimes we feel value-less because we don’t have a goal to strive for. What is your purpose at work? How does your job improve the lives of others? Every position has a purpose, whether it’s creating a clean space for others to work in or building a product that people need. Find the purpose in your profession and use that to create a sense of value.

Get Constructive Feedback From Your Supervisor

If your supervisor rarely applauds you for your work, speak to him in private about ways to improve your productivity. You may not like what you hear at first, but at least you will have a guideline to follow. What areas do you thrive in, and what areas could be better? Try to enhance the skills you’re struggling with and emphasize the ones that you’re already great at so you can be the best employee possible.

Give Feedback To Your Supervisor Or Employer

Some supervisors are quick to identify problems in a workplace, but they aren’t as quick to provide praise to their employees. If you feel like your work is consistently being overlooked, talk to your employer or supervisor about that. Explain why you feel like a valuable employee and why you and your colleagues deserve more positive feedback throughout the day. This not only lets your supervisor know that there is a problem, but it also forces you to identify your positive traits. That’s an instant self-esteem boost!

Plan Your Long-Term Goals

Where do you want to be with your career, and what steps are you taking to accomplish that goal? If you turn your focus to the future, you will feel a greater sense of pride in your work. What you’re doing now matters. If it’s not helping you reach your long-term goal, find a plan that will. When you have finally reached your dream job or found a stable source of income, you will naturally feel valued at work.

Are Selfies Hurting Your Self-Esteem? MI Self-Esteem Counseling


Selfies are a mark of the modern world. Just about everyone with a smartphone has a gallery full of personal photos. Snapping a selfie may seem like a simple way to capture a memory, but it actually has a major impact on your self-esteem. Let’s take a closer look at the psychology behind selfies and how you may be affected by it.

Selfies Encourage Self-Criticism

When you take a selfie, you are forcing yourself to evaluate your appearance. Unlike the “old days” when you had to wait for a photo to be printed, you can instantly view a photo you take before sharing it with the world. You will instinctively examine the photo and find flaws in your appearance. It’s the same process as when you see someone staring at you from across the room. You become aware of your posture, your hair, your clothing, your makeup – anything that may look wrong to someone else. The only difference with a selfie is that you’re the one casting judgment.

Selfies Can Ignite The Wrong Attention

There is nothing wrong with sharing pictures on social media, but there is a psychological component to keep in mind. In our depression counseling and self-esteem counseling programs in Michigan, we talk about the dangers of social media addiction. Every time you get a like or comment on your photo, a small amount of dopamine is released in your mind. This is the chemical that makes you feel happy and pleased with yourself. It’s the same chemical that gets released while smoking cigarettes or taking certain drugs. That’s why it’s so addictive.

If you get in the habit of taking selfies and posting them, you will get addicted to the attention. This can lead to depression and low self-esteem over time, especially if you aren’t getting the reactions you want from your photos. Limiting your social media time can help you maintain your self-esteem and confidence.

Selfies May Pull You Away From Real Life

This is a widespread problem in the digital era. People are so focused about conversations and issues online that they forget to enjoy the real world around them. If you feel the need to take a selfie every time you have a new experience, you’re missing out on the big picture. You’re so worried about getting the perfect photo to capture the moment that you ignore the moment itself. This may not have an impact on you right away, but over time, you will start to realize that life has passed by much quicker than you imagined.

What’s The Solution?

We’re not asking you to stop taking selfies altogether. If you want to snap a photo in a big life event, go for it! However, if you are struggling with low self-esteem, depression, social media addiction and other issues, you may need to take a break from the selfie world. Take a step behind the camera and capture memories without you front and center. As you start to feel better about yourself, you will be able to enjoy those special moments even more.

Contact Perspectives Of Troy Counseling Centers today to learn more about self-esteem counseling in Michigan.

MI Self-Esteem Counseling: Top 10 Feel-Better New Year’s Resolutions (Part 2)

self-esteem counseling

Continued from Part 1

5 – Spend More Time With People Who Make You Feel Good

Surrounding yourself with positive, uplifting people is a big part of self-esteem counseling. As part of your New Year’s resolutions, make a goal to spend more time with the people who make you feel good about yourself. Schedule a weekly dinner with your parents, siblings, best friends, etc., or make a goal to go out with these people at least once a month. The more time you spend with surrounded by positivity, the better you will feel about yourself.

6 – Put Past Mistakes Behind You

It’s time to move on from past mistakes. Living in regret is not going to make your current situation better. It will only worsen your depression and lower your self-esteem. Use these mistakes as a learning tool for what not to do in the future. Poor diet choices, addictions, bad relationships, and other life experiences are opportunities to improve your life later on. Don’t beat yourself up about a bad decision. Instead, make sure you don’t repeat it in the coming year.

7 – Understand Your Personal Limits

Don’t set unrealistic goals that will make you feel worse about yourself. You know what you can logically accomplish in a week, month, year, etc. There is nothing wrong with pushing yourself a little bit, but don’t do that at the expense of your self-esteem. Set small goals that you know you can accomplish with a little effort so you can feel good about the progress you’re making.

Pro Tip: Instead of setting resolutions for the year, set resolutions for the month. At the beginning of each month, you can set new goals that match the progress you’ve made.

8 – Write Motivational Notes For Yourself

Motivational notes will help keep you going throughout the day, even when you least expect them. Write notes to include in your lunches, on your mirror, in your work desk, etc. Remind yourself that “you’ve got this” and encourage yourself to continue reaching your goals each day.

9 – Create A Rewards System For Your Accomplishments

Reward yourself for accomplishing your goals. What you use for the rewards is entirely up to you. If your goal is to stop smoking, treat yourself to a fancy dinner when you officially put away your last cigarette. Buy yourself some new clothing to celebrate your weight loss. Treat this like you would a rewards system for someone else, and find a tool that motivates you to keep going.

10 – Work With A Self-Esteem Counselor

You don’t have to fight this battle alone. The self-esteem counselors at Perspectives Of Troy Counseling Centers would be happy to help you boost your self-esteem, conquer your depression, and discover your self-worth. Give us a call at (248) 244-8644 to schedule an appointment with a counselor near you.

MI Self-Esteem Counseling: Top 10 Feel-Better New Year’s Resolutions (Part 1)

self esteem counseling

While many New Year’s resolutions focus on personal improvements, we want to take a moment to appreciate the great features you already have. This is a crucial part of self-esteem counseling – understanding what you have to offer the world and celebrating it as much as possible. Here are the top 10 feel-better New Year’s resolutions for people with low self-esteem.

1 – Write Down Happy Moments And Put Them In A Jar

Once a week, write down the best moments of the week on a small card and put that card in a jar. Do this every single week for the entire year, and then read through the cards on New Year’s Eve. You’ll probably remember the most recent moments or the biggest events of the year, but you might not remember the little events that happened each week. A simple compliment or an award at work will brighten up your day all over again, and it will remind you just how important you are to the people around you.

2 – Schedule At Least One Vacation This Year

Sometimes all it takes to feel good about yourself is a moment of peaceful relaxation. Plan for at least one vacation this year, even you spend most of it at home. The goal here is to eliminate the stress of work and give yourself a much-needed break. This will rejuvenate your spirits so you can tackle stressful moments to come.

3 – Don’t Make Changes Just Because It’s A New Year

Perhaps the biggest downside to setting New Year’s resolutions is that you’re forced to assess what’s “wrong” with you. If you already have low self-esteem, this is not ideal for your progress and improvement. Don’t feel obligated to make changes just because it is a new year. If there is an issue that you are genuinely concerned about, then you can take the steps to fix it moving forward. Do this at any time of the year, not just January 1st.

4 – Phrase Your Resolutions To Encourage Success

If you are going to set New Year’s resolutions, phrase them in a way that sets you up for success. Focus on specific changes you are going to make, not the end-result you want to see from those changes. For example, instead of saying “I’m going to lose 30 pounds,” say “I’m going to eliminate soda from my diet.” No matter how much weight you lose from your dietary changes, you will be maintaining your resolution.

Continue to Part 2

Michigan Teen Counseling: Improving Your Teen’s Body Image

body image

Body image is the way we perceive ourselves when we look in the mirror. This is usually different than the way others see us because humans are naturally self-critical. Teenagers can be particularly judgmental about their bodies because of peer pressure, images in the media, bullying, and more. As a parent, you have the opportunity to help your child feel better about himself or herself so your teen can walk through the halls with confidence.

Here is a guide from our Michigan teen counseling center to help you improve your teen’s body image.

Buy Proper Fitting Clothes

The fit of a person’s clothing has a major impact on how he or she looks and feels. If your teen is wearing clothes that are too tight or too loose for his or her body, he or she may have a negative experience. It may be difficult to keep teens in proper-fitting attire because of growth spurts and budget constraints, but do your best to get clothes that your teen feels confident in. This will do wonders for his or her attitude.

Use Random, Unexpected Compliments

Your teenager may not respond well to your compliments in the moment, but they do mean something to him or her. Every now and then, provide a compliment about your teen’s appearance. This doesn’t have to happen every day, and it shouldn’t seem forced. A sincere, natural compliment will not be hard to come up with, and it’s not something you have to dwell on for long. All you need is a little seed of positivity, and your child’s mind will take care of the rest.

Avoid Making Negative Comments About Other People

One of the biggest reasons why teenagers feel self-conscious is because they have judgmental people around them. “If dad thinks that about a major celebrity, what does he really think about me?” Before you joke around with your teen about negative features on other people’s body, think about how that may impact your teen’s body image moving forward. The less judgment you have in the household, the better off your teen will be.

Carry Yourself With Confidence

You are your teen’s biggest role model – even if he or she refuses to acknowledge that. Your teen takes your words and actions to heart, so it’s important that you carry yourself with as much confidence as you want him or her to have. It’s natural to feel insecure about your body, but don’t let your teen see that insecurity. Also keep in mind that the way you see yourself is not how others see you. To your child, you could be the best looking person in the world.

If you need help with self-esteem counseling for yourself or your child, contact Perspectives Of Troy Counseling Centers in Metro Detroit, MI to learn about our teen counseling and family counseling programs.

Regaining Your Confidence After An Abusive Relationship

abusive relationship

Being in an abusive relationship can take a tremendous toll on your self-esteem and self-worth. You may feel like you have nothing left to offer and that no one will ever love you again. The truth is that you have plenty of hope for the future. You just need a way to recognize it. Here are some tips to help you regain your confidence after an abusive relationship.

Remember That You Weren’t The Problem

Victims of abuse often find ways to put the blame on themselves. This is the result of the control tactics that abusers utilize to belittle and degrade their partners. While there may have been steps you could have taken to better the relationship, you were not the cause of the other person’s harmful actions. They chose to hurt you, and they chose to continue the hurt for an extended length of time. Remind yourself that you are not at fault for the other person’s actions. The sooner you can free yourself of the blame, the easier it will be for you to close this chapter of your life.

Work With A Self-Esteem Counselor

Here at Perspectives Of Troy Counseling Centers, we don’t just offer anger management therapy for relationship abuse. We also offer self-esteem counseling and other individual counseling services for victims of abuse. By working with a professional counselor, you can discuss the events that you have been through and learn ways to overcome your past. Every person is different in how they cope with stress and struggle. Your counselor will help you come up with the perfect coping plan for you.

Focus On Positive Aspects Of Your Life

It is easy to feel confident about yourself when you realize just how valuable you truly are. Focus on the positive aspects of your life. Example: you have a great job, a roof over your head, amazing children, a loving family, good health, a strong sense of faith, etc. Define what makes you special and put a spotlight on those elements in your mind. If need be, write down your positive traits and put the list somewhere you can always see it. When you feel down, look over the list and remind yourself about your self-worth.

Find Closure

In order to fully move on from an abusive relationship, you need to find closure from it. The source of your closure will depend on the nature of your relationship and the type of abuse your endured. Start by forgiving your abuser for his actions. Holding on to anger will only hurt you more, and it will not make the abuser feel any remorse. If you were married to your abuser, you may use your divorce as a form of closure. Moving out on your own and disassociating yourself from your former lifestyle will help you move on to the great life you have ahead of you. Your counselor will work with you every step of the way to ensure your success and future happiness.

Understanding Your Self-Worth: Part 2

self esteem

How To Build Self-Worth (Continued)

This is a continuation from Part 1 of our self-worth discussion.

Be Kind To Yourself

Treat yourself just as well as you treat other people. There is nothing wrong with being a little selfish every now and then. In fact, taking care of yourself will make you better prepared to take care of other people in your life. Practice self-compassion, even if it makes you feel like you’re thinking about yourself too much. That may be just what you need to build your self-worth and realize the true value you provide to the world.

Build A Strong Support System

Having good people around you will naturally make you feel better about yourself. Surround yourself with friends and family members who make you feel important, loved, and appreciated. If you have people in your life that constantly bring you down, consider distancing yourself from them, or confront them about the feelings you have. If that person is your spouse, you may opt for couples counseling to help you through your struggles.

Talk To A Counselor

Sometimes, you just need someone else to tell you how special you are. That is not what individual counseling is designed to do, but it will help you figure out what is causing you to de-value yourself as a person. Your counselor can help you come up with a plan to increase your self-worth and self-esteem at the same time so you can move forward with a better quality of life. Feel free to contact us here at Perspectives Of Troy Counseling Centers to learn more about the counseling services available to you.

At The End Of The Day, Do This For YOU

Building your self-worth is not about making yourself a better person for someone else, nor is it about letting others see how valuable you are. This is purely meant to make you reevaluate how you feel about yourself – no one else. Stop trying to impress other people in your life or compare yourself to those you look up to. Focus on what makes you a great person and what sets you apart from the crowd.

If struggles from the past have led you to have a low sense of self-worth, talk to a counselor so you can move forward with your life. You are a good person with a great life to lead. You simply have to open your eyes to that.

Understanding Your Self-Worth: Part 1

self worth

For many of us, establishing and honoring our own self-worth is a difficult task. Believing in the value of yourself as a person is often confused with being selfish, which is why many people struggle to identify just how valuable they are to the world. In this discussion, we will take a closer look at what self-worth is, why it is important, and what you can do to build your self-worth in the future. You may be surprised at the positive changes to come just by realizing what you have to offer.

What Is Self-Worth?

By definition, self-worth is the “sense of your value as a person.” That broad definition can be interpreted in a number of ways, leading many people to use “self-worth” as a synonym for “self-esteem.” In all actuality though, self-worth is about valuing who you are inside, while self-esteem focuses more on what you do on the outside. Self-esteem also involves comparing yourself to other people instead of understanding the value you provide all on your own.

The goal here is to appreciate what you have to give the world without looking at anyone else for comparison. Learn what makes you you and embrace all of your unique qualities.

How To Build Self-Worth

You are already valuable. You need to see how valuable you are. This is where the process of building self-worth comes into play. How you go about building your self-worth will depend on the value you can already identify within yourself. The tips below should put you on the right path.

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

There is always going to be someone out there who makes more money, has better hair, drives a nicer car, etc. You cannot focus on what other people have but rather what makes you special and important. Comparing yourself to others can easily make you feel inadequate, as if you are “not good enough” in one way or another. Get that thought out of your mind and start looking at the positive features you bring to the table.

Do Things You Feel Are Important

Helping other people is a great way to build your self-worth because it makes you realize just how valuable your contributions are to others. Participate in activities that you feel strongly about. This may be something as simple as volunteering at an elementary school once a week or participating in a local blood drive. Find the activities that make you feel better about yourself, and your self-worth will naturally improve.

Continue to Part 2