Category Archives: Adult Counseling

Why You Shouldn’t Hold a Grudge | Adult Counseling in Plymouth, MI

hold a grudge

Forgiveness is hard to receive and even harder to give. No matter how you’ve been hurt, it can be hard to let go of anger. This is especially true after a major event of mistrust, like infidelity or a long-spanning lie.

Holding onto a grudge is not good for your mental or physical health. It affects your sleep, your thinking, your reasoning, and your productivity levels. Let’s look at some reasons why you shouldn’t hold a grudge and what you can do to move forward with your life.

You’re Hurting Yourself More Than the Other Person

The grudge hurts you much more than it hurts the other person. The recipient may not even realize you’re still angry with him or her. If you’re holding a grudge over someone you no longer talk to, you are the person most affected by it. They’ve moved on, and it’s time you do the same.

You cannot afford to rent space in your own head. In other words, you cannot let any person or situation take up valuable space in your mind. Let go of the grudge so you can make room for pleasant members in the future.

The Grudge May Impact Other Relationships in Your Life

Your anger may not be limited to the target recipient. In fact, there is a good change you will take your frustration out on someone you love. This may lead to more arguments in your life or decreased productivity at work. At that point, the grudge has taken control – you are no longer in charge of the situation. By letting go, you can reclaim the throne and remain in charge of your own happiness.

Finding Closure and Letting Go

Finding closure is not always easy. That’s why you have a grudge in the first place. It starts by making peace with the situation. Analyze what went wrong, what could have been done to change it (if anything), and what you can learn from the experience. Rise from the ashes by learning a life lesson about something you will or will not do in the future. Then acknowledge that there is nothing you can do to change the past, and commit to moving forward in your life.

The best way to work through these emotions is with a counselor or therapist. We have several counselors who specialize in adult counseling, depression counseling, trauma counseling, and more. Contact Perspectives Counseling Centers in Plymouth, MI to learn more about how you can benefit from adult counseling.

How to Date as a Single Parent | Adult Counseling Sterling Heights, MI

dating single parents

Dating is tricky for everyone, but it can be particularly challenging for single parents. Not only do you have to juggle a new relationship, but you have to worry about how your children will react along the way. At our adult counseling center in Sterling Heights, MI, we help people just like you find balance in their work and personal lives. Check out these dating tips for single parents so you can conquer the dating world with confidence.

Take Care of Yourself before Seeking Someone Else

Before you start dating, make sure you are content with who you are, what you want, and what you do not want for the future. Many adults jump into dating hoping to find their other half. In all reality, you should find someone who complements the whole person you already are. If you are dealing with low self-esteem or resentment from a previous relationship, work through those issues before you start dating. Our adult counseling services in Sterling Heights can help you do just that.

Avoid Dating Immediately after a Breakup

If you have just split from your former partner, wait a little while before you start dating again. This will give your children time to get used to you on your own, and it will be easier for them to see you dating in the future. If you bring a new person in the household right away, your child is naturally going to resent him or her. This sets a bad tone for the relationship from the start.

Be Transparent about Having Children

When you begin dating, be transparent about having children. The ideal partner will accept you and your children as a package deal. If you wait to tell that person about your children, you may find out that he or she has no desire to be a parent in the future. You’re not just looking for a partner. You’re looking for someone who could potentially help you raise your children down the road. You need to make sure whoever you’re dating is prepared for that responsibility.

Create Time for Dating, without Sacrificing Family Time

You deserve to have some time for yourself. There is nothing wrong with having a scheduled date night or finding spare time to spend with your significant other. The key is to balance dating time with work and family time. If your children visit their other parent every weekend, spend time with your boyfriend or girlfriend then. If you have a long lunch for work, you could set up lunch dates with your partner. When it comes to family time, give your children your undivided attention – no texting, no social media, and no phone calls. Otherwise, they may feel like your new partner is taking away from their quality time.

Plan Introductions Carefully

Eventually there will come a time when you introduce your significant other to your children. Approach this with caution. You may spend a few weeks getting your children excited about meeting your new friend. You should also talk to your children about fears they may have about you dating. Explain to them that this person is not going to take you away or replace their other parent.

This is a topic you may want to discuss in family counseling. The counselor can help you explain matters in a way that your child will understand, hopefully creating a pleasant environment for the actual introduction.

If you’re a single parent in Sterling Heights, MI looking for someone to talk to, contact Perspectives Counseling Centers. We have many adult counselors who specialize in dating, parenting, self-esteem building, stress reduction and much more. Get matched with the best counselor for your unique needs.

When Should My Kids Meet My Boyfriend? Parent Counseling in Michigan

kids meet boyfriend

You’re in a new relationship and you feel a real connection with the person. You enjoy each other’s company and see a potential for true love in the future. There’s just one catch – you’re a single mom.

As a dating parent, it can be difficult to find the right time to introduce your boyfriend to your children. This guide is dedicated to dating single moms trying to do what’s best for their families.

There Is No “Right” Time

Before we assess different scenarios, we need to make something perfectly clear. There is no right time to introduce your partner to your children. Your unique situation will dictate the appropriate time for your family. This includes your child’s age, your past relationship history, your maturity level, your child’s maturity level, and much more. If you’re looking for a specific timeframe, you’re not going to find it here. Rather, we will explore how you can assess your situation to come up with the best time for your specific needs.

Do Not Introduce Your Children until You Have Commitment

Ideally, you should wait to introduce your boyfriend when he actually holds the title “boyfriend.” However, we realize that labels aren’t always common in today’s society. That’s why we clarified the need for commitment. If you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, you have both agreed that there is some sort of chemistry between you. If you’re still in the fleeting stages of dating, you do not want to get your children involved. They may become attached to someone that is only in your life for a moment. Then they will face disappointment when that person is no longer around.

If you are not using labels for your relationship, you still need to wait until you are in an exclusive relationship.

Wait until You Feel Confident in the Relationship

If you’re still hesitant about the long-term potential of your relationship, it’s not appropriate to involve your children. They will feel your hesitation, and they may alter your decisions in the future. You may stay in a relationship you are not happy with because your child likes your partner. You may also feel the need to get out of a good relationship because your child is not happy with the situation. Wait until you are completely sure of the relationship before introducing your children.

Use Your Relationship History as a Guideline

Do you have a history of breaking up after a few weeks? Or perhaps your cycle is to date for three months, find something wrong, and then break up. Whether you want to admit it or not, you have some sort of dating history. Use this as a guide for when you should introduce your boyfriend to your children. If you’ve made it past the three month breakup zone and you’re still happy, that’s a good sign this one is here to stay. There is less risk introducing your children at that time.

Ask Your Counselor about the Introduction

If you are seeing a counselor or therapist, talk to him about your new relationship. If you feel like it’s time to complete the introduction, your counselor can tell you how to go about this process. There is no way to predict your children’s reaction, but this will give you the best chance at success. Your counselor will also let you know if it is too soon to do this introduction, so you can pull back if necessary.

For more advice for single moms, contact our parent counseling centers in Michigan. We have multiple locations in Metro Detroit, MI, and we work with single parents of all ages.

Cultivating An Attitude Of Gratitude | Adult Counseling In Metro Detroit, MI

become grateful

Gratitude is a positive personality trait that some people have naturally.  It has been shown to be one of the personality traits the people that are the most content with their lives have.  The good news for those people that do not have it naturally is that it can be learned. Listed below are some helpful and effective ways to become more grateful.

Keep A Gratitude Journal

Increasing our propensity for gratitude is one of the easiest things to do to change our level of happiness.  One way to do this is to keep a gratitude journal.  Keeping a gratitude journal consists of writing down nightly the three to five things that you were grateful for that day. It is best if the things are unique to that day and were unexpected.  There are several reasons that this is helpful.  Knowing that you are going to have to write down positive things that happened to you helps you to focus on the positive.  It will help you enjoy small things that happen in your day that make you smile because you will try to keep it in your memory to write it down later.  Then at the end of the day when you remember it later you will enjoy those same good feelings.  If you hear your favorite song on the radio, or run into an old friend, that memory will cause the chemicals in your brain to change and creates a positive mood.

Do Not Define A “Bad Day” By One Negative Experience

Often people who are unhappy see their day as being all bad or all good.  This is called Black and White Thinking.  So if one bad thing happens in the day, the day is bad.  Since most days are mixed with good and bad, for these people most of their days appear to be bad.  A change in perspective by noticing and acknowledging the good things that happen during the day help these people see that good things are happening too.  The change in focus leads to a change in perception.

Acknowledge The Positive Amidst The Negative

What if there are some difficult things that are happening in your life, like a job loss or a cancer diagnosis?  How do you focus on the positive things that are going on and can they help you?

Recognizing the positive things can definitely help you.  We often move, learn and grow in times of difficulty.  A job loss leads to a new job or career opportunity that you wouldn’t have had if you weren’t unemployed.  A cancer diagnosis taught you to have better balance in your life, make time for the important things, not to sweat the small stuff, increased your faith, helped you to understand how many friends you had and how much you are loved.  In difficult times there are things to be thankful for and acknowledging those things will help you get through the hard times.  Acknowledging the opportunity to grow and learn can also help you get through those times of difficulty.

Practicing gratitude in good times helps you to continue to be grateful during difficult times.  The ritual of doing a gratitude journal everyday no matter how the day has turned out helps you stay focused on the positive.

Should I Tell People I’m Seeing A Therapist? (Part 2) Novi Therapist Office

seeing therapist

Continued from Part 1

In the second half of this discussion, we will explore some of the reasons why you should or should not talk about therapy outside of your sessions.

Reasons to Talk about Your Therapy

Here are some reasons you may want to tell people you’re seeing a therapist:

  • This is especially true for addiction and substance abuse recovery. If your friends and family members have worried about your addiction for a while, telling them you are in therapy will reassure them of your progress.
  • Setting clear expectations. If people close to you are aware of your therapy, they will have a forewarning about upcoming lifestyle changes. For instance, if you have a diet change as part of your eating disorder treatment, your family members can support your new food choices.
  • Building your support system. Having strong support speeds up the recovery process. If you have people cheering you on, you’re more likely to fight to reach your goals.
  • Creating accountability and commitment. Once you tell someone you are in therapy, it re-confirms that you are committed to this process. This is similar to having a workout buddy. It’s someone to keep you accountable.
  • Become comfortable with the process. If you still feel uncomfortable about being in therapy, talking to a supportive friend will help justify the decision.
  • Avoid confusion about your whereabouts. If your therapy sessions affect an existing schedule, you may need to explain your whereabouts to those affected by the changes. Example: your spouse may question why you’re coming home late every Thursday.
  • Help others overcome their struggles. If your experience in therapy can help someone else, talk to them about it. Use your growth to encourage growth in others.

Reasons NOT to Talk about Therapy

Here are some reasons you may not want to tell people you’re seeing a therapist:

  • Personal validation. If you are telling people about therapy to brag about your potential improvement, that defeats the purpose. Your satisfaction should be the focus of your therapy, not someone else’s.
  • A negative support system. If telling people about your therapy may slow down your progress, consider discussing it only after your recovery.
  • You need time to get stronger. It may take time to build your self-esteem before discussing your therapy with others. You need to get to a place where you can feel confident about your journey, no matter what anyone says about it.
  • You’re just not comfortable with it. If you’re not ready to tell people about your therapy, trust your instincts. This is something that you’re doing for yourself, and there is nothing wrong with keeping it personal.

Do What Feels Right for You

If you feel comfortable telling people you are in therapy, go for it. If you would rather keep that element of your life private, that is perfectly fine too. What matters most is that you achieve the goals set out in therapy.

To schedule an appointment with a therapist in Novi, MI, call Perspectives Counseling Centers at (248) 946-4664.

Should I Tell People I’m Seeing A Therapist? Novi Therapist Office

novi therapist office

Choosing to see a therapist is the first step in recovery. Whether you’re struggling with addiction, depression, anxiety, or any other obstacle, you can benefit from professional counseling. At our therapist office in Novi, MI, one of the most common questions we hear is, “Should I tell people I’m seeing a therapist?” The answer is entirely dependent on your situation.

Here we will explore reasons you should or should not discuss your therapy with others.

Therapy Is Nothing to Be Ashamed of

First and foremost, we need to emphasize the importance of therapy. There is nothing wrong with going to therapy – there is nothing wrong with you. You chose to work with a therapist because you saw a room for improvement in your life. Would you criticize someone for going back to school to improve their knowledge on a subject? Absolutely not. View therapy as an education to a better quality of life.

Most People Will Support Your Time in Therapy

For the most part, the people you consider “friends” will support you in your journey. Family members, spouses and close friends may have noticed a change in your demeanor or activity level. In other words, they may already be aware of your struggles, even if they do not know the source of them. They will view therapy as a natural component of the healing process, and they will support your decision.

Some People Will NOT Support Therapy

We would love to say that everyone will support your therapy and recovery, but that simply is not true. If someone in your life is likely to derail your progress, it is probably best not to discuss your therapy with that person. For instance, if you are in therapy for alcoholism, a friend you commonly drink with might say, “Oh come on man. You’re not that bad.” Their perception of your addiction is entirely different than your own. You need to make the best decision for your life, regardless of outside influences.

Another factor to keep in mind is that some people do not support the idea of therapy altogether. They see therapy as a sign of weakness, rather than a path to self-improvement. Again, if you already know that a certain person in your life is not a fan of therapy, avoid discussing it with them. Continue to make improvements with your therapist, and that person can enjoy the aftermath.

Continue to Part 2

Why Isn’t My Therapy Working? Counseling Centers In Michigan

why isnt therapy working

Do you feel like you aren’t getting enough out of your therapy program? There are several reasons why this may happen, and some of them are beyond your control. At our counseling centers in Michigan, we strive to ensure that every patient experiences a positive change as a result of their therapy, regardless of their reasons for visiting us. Here are some answers as to why your therapy may not be working and what you can do to improve your progress.

Therapy Only Works If You Want It To

Take a moment to think about how dedicated you actually are to your therapy program. Are you following the advice of your therapist, or are you just going through the motions? In order for therapy to work, you have to be 100% committed to the progress. For example, if you’re asked to write in a journal, you have to physically write down your thoughts – not just store them in your mind. This may seem silly and excessive, but it is a vital part of the process.

Some patients will refuse to follow their therapist’s advice as a way to subconsciously sabotage their success. In other words, they do not feel worthy of change or they do not desire change, so they prevent themselves from taking full advantage of therapy. Consider how much effort you have put into your recovery and see if that is the source of your frustration.

Results Don’t Happen Overnight

Think about how long it took you to get where you are. Years of addiction, abuse, self-deprivation, or living in a toxic relationship led to your current condition. You cannot reverse those effects overnight. On average, it takes at least one month to recover from every year of negative experience. If you were in an abusive relationship for 6 years, it may take 6 months or more to change your negative thought patterns and restore your self-confidence.

When you begin therapy, ask your therapist how long you should expect to start seeing results. This varies drastically from one patient to the next, but it will give you realistic expectations for your recovery program. Follow your therapy plan with patience and diligence, and your results will occur in due time.

You May Have Been Misdiagnosed

We don’t like to jump to the conclusion that a patient has been misdiagnosed, but it is a possibility. This is especially true if you never went through a formal psychological evaluation, which would have given the most accurate diagnosis for your symptoms. If you have been misdiagnosed, you may be in the wrong type of therapy program. Talk to your counselor about this possibility, and consider getting a psychological test to identify the underlying concern.

Ask Your Therapist For Suggestions

Your therapist has direct insight into your success or lack thereof. If anyone can pinpoint why your therapy isn’t working, it’s your counselor. Ask your therapist if there is anything you can do to improve your recovery, like joining a support group or reading books that supplement your therapy sessions. If you do not believe the current treatment plan is working, ask when the best time would be to try another option. Should you wait for a little while or make the switch right away?

At Perspectives Of Troy Counseling Centers in Michigan, we have counselors and therapists in a wide variety of specialties. We will match you with the best professional for your unique needs so you can get the most effective help possible right from the start. Contact the counseling center nearest to you to learn more.

How To Set Achievable New Year’s Resolutions – Michigan Counseling Centers

New Year Resolutions

January 1: the day all your New Year’s resolutions go into effect. You wake up early, head to the gym, brush your teeth, eat healthy food, and come home for a great night of sleep. Fast forward a week later and you’re back to your fast food, late night routine. Approximately 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by the second week of February, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set them. The trick is setting the right resolutions so you’re more likely to make positive changes in your life.

Here are some tips for setting realistic and achievable New Year’s resolutions, courtesy of our Michigan counseling centers.

Quantify Each Resolution (Be Specific)

Generic resolutions lead to generic results. If you quantify your resolutions (assign measurable numbers to them), you are more likely to achieve your goals. For instance, instead of saying “I want to lose weight,” say “I want to lose 5 pounds a month and 50 pounds by the end of the year.” Then you can structure a plan to reach those numbers.

Create Short Term Milestones For Long Term Resolutions

If you only look at the big picture, you may feel overwhelmed with how to achieve it. It’s important to set “mini goals” for yourself that add up to your big goals. The statement above about losing weight is a prime example. Five pounds a month translates to roughly one pound a week, so you can weigh yourself once a week to see if you are on track. If you maintain each of those weekly goals, you will automatically achieve your long-term resolution.

Note that having these miniature goals also gives you a chance for miniature accomplishments. If you can see progress happening, you will feel motivated to keep it up. If you choose to save $100 a week, you will quickly see your savings account build up. Every deposit will make your account grow, and you will feel proud each and every week. This is the start of true success.

Focus On Lifestyle Improvements, Not Just The Numbers

While it is important to set measurable goals, it’s even more important to make positive lifestyle changes. In other words, you need to develop habits that will help your life as a whole. Perhaps instead of setting a weight loss goal, you can set a dietary or exercise goal: “I will only eat out once a week.” “I will go to the gym three times a week for 45 minutes a day.” There are still numbers involved, but the changes themselves are geared toward your life as a whole.

Encourage Yourself – Be Critical With Kindness

There is nothing wrong with acknowledging your flaws and trying to improve them. However, you should not let criticism get in the way of your success. Keep a positive attitude and take pride in your accomplishments. If you make a mistake, that’s OK. Hold yourself accountable, assess what went wrong, and find a way to prevent a similar mistake in the future.

The road to the “new you” is not a straight line. It may not even fit on the map from time to time. With consistent motivation and realistic expectations though, you can see positive transformations in the new year.

Why We Use Client-Guided Therapy At Our Michigan Counseling Centers

client guided therapy

Here at Perspectives Of Troy Counseling Centers in Michigan, we believe in the power of client-guided therapy. The client sets the pace for counseling, therapy and treatment with the guidance of a mental health specialist. Rather than being told what to do and how to do it, we believe in helping our patients set their own goals. Let’s take a look at the benefits of client-guided therapy so you can determine if it is right for you.

You’re More Likely To Take Action When You’re In Control

Think back to when you were five years old and your parents tried to tell you to clean your room. Rather than saying, “Sure!” you probably said, “Five more minutes!” That five minutes wasn’t just so you could enjoy playing a little longer. It was because you wanted to be in control. You wanted to clean your room on your time, not when your parents asked you to.

Adults have this same mentality, even if it is completely subconscious. At work, you’re much more likely to complete a task if you come up with the idea in the first place. If your boss tells you what to do, you may roll your eyes or sigh before charging ahead.

Client-guided therapy taps into this mindset. If you’re the one setting goals for your progress, you are more likely to follow through with them. Use the power of your own motivation to improve your life and accelerate your progress.

You Still Have Support From Your Counselor

Client-guided therapy is not independent therapy. You still have a counselor by your side to help you set your goals. For instance, if you come to our Michigan counseling center for eating disorder treatment, your counselor will help you set measurable goals for recovery: eat XX more food per day, throw up XX fewer times per week, only look in the mirror XX times, etc.

If the goals you propose aren’t ideal, your counselor will suggest a better option for you. This will happen if your goals are too enthusiastic or insufficient for progress. If you set goals that are too high, you will feel discouraged when you do not reach them. If they are too low, you may not see much progress at all. Your counselor will be there every step of the way to establish a healthy balance.

You Will Naturally Want To Do Better

Humans are competitive. It’s part of our survival instincts. If you set goals for yourself, you will feel inclined to exceed them. If someone else sets your counseling goals, you may only complete the minimum requirements to fulfill them. We want you to propel through your therapy program so you can enjoy a better quality of life. Having you take the reigns is the best way to do that.

To learn more about client-guided therapy and what it can do for you, contact Perspectives Of Troy Counseling Centers in Michigan.

Is Your Relationship Picker Broken? Michigan Adult Counseling

relationship picker

Do you feel like you always end up with the wrong type of person? Just when you think you’ve found the perfect guy or girl, something happens to make you question your judgment abilities. There are several reasons why your “relationship picker” may not be acting in your favor, and most of them are not your fault. Let’s figure out why your relationship picker is broken and what you can do to fix it.

Your Parents Had Bad Relationship Pickers

As much as we all fight not to be exactly like our parents, most of us follow in their footsteps. If your mom or dad (or both) had a hard time finding a good relationship, you may unintentionally do the same. Even when you think you are choosing the complete opposite of someone your parents would choose, you find yourself hurt and heartbroken.

You cannot change your past, but you can change your current perspective. See if you can find patterns in your parents’ relationship selections that mimic yours. Did your mom choose project men who needed to be cared for? Did your dad choose women much younger than him? Did your parents stay in a toxic relationship longer than they should have? If you can find a connection between those experiences and your recent relationships, you will know what to watch out for early on.

You Were Deeply Hurt By Someone In The Past

All it takes is one bad relationship to throw off your relationship picker completely. You were abused, cheated on, neglected, lied to, etc. This also applies to personal relationships, like the one you have with your parents. If your father abandoned you as a child, you may have a hard time trusting men in your life. If you were sexually abused by a female neighbor, you may see relationships in a different light.

Working with a counselor can help you overcome these past traumas. We offer several adult counseling programs in Michigan designed for people just like you. Find the root cause of your current struggles and learn how to move forward to a better place in life. Your past doesn’t have to control your future.

You’re Holding On To A Past Relationship

Do you have unfinished business from a past relationship? Feel like you’re never going to find someone like you had before? Once again, you cannot let the past hold you back from your future. There could be an amazing relationship waiting for you that’s even better than what you had before. If your significant other was emotionally abusive, you may have been told that you are not good enough for anyone else and no one will ever love you. That is NOT the truth, and you will discover that with counseling and therapy.

One of the core goals in our adult counseling programs is to reverse negative thought patterns. These lead to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, addiction and much more. Your mind is keeping you from happiness because it’s still latching on to something from your past. Your counselor will work with you to make sure this doesn’t happen.

You Don’t Know Your True Worth

Sometimes people choose to be in bad relationships because they do not think they’re worthy of a good one. If they’re lucky enough to find a good relationship in spite of this, they often sabotage it before things go too far. We are here to tell you that you are worthy of love, and there is tremendous potential to find it. First, you must learn to love yourself.

Contact our adult counseling center in Michigan to schedule an appointment with one of our specialized counselors and therapists. We will match you with the best professional for your needs, and we will work to get your relationship picker back on track.